I watched as what looked like a very thick laser beam of red-ish light came out of the man’s left eye and slowly made its way towards me. It centered in on my chest and began pushing me backwards.
I jerked up and quickly looked around to see who had pushed me backwards, it had been physically tangible and my heart was now racing, but I was the only one in the small bedroom.
It had been a vision.
I was in the house of former cabinet-level government leaders (the husband and wife had both held high level positions) in that particular African country. I had been invited to stay for Christmas and told by the husband that “you can stay in my house up to six years and we will do (Gospel) ministry together.” I had been worshiping and praying in the beautiful guest bedroom where I had spent the last several days. I had 70 units of their currency (about 7 dollars) to my name, my visa was almost up, and God had put in my heart to NOT ask for financial help of any kind or even tell people what I needed. It is why I had shut myself in the room for a couple hours.
I was asking God for Help.
He gave me this vision.
I had recognized the man in the vision so I began asking Jesus what it meant in the perfect, obedient, scholarly, Christian way; I said, “WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT!!!”
He responded clearly, “He is forming a judgment against you in his heart.”
“What!? That doesn’t make sense, you are going to have to explain that one.”
Instantly I my heart remembered this “ Hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then thou shalt see clearly to cast out the speck out of thy brother’s eye.” (part of Matt. 7:5)
Along with that verse came the understanding that this wasn’t just a parable, it was describing the spiritual reality of what takes place when a person has a judgement in their heart against another person. (I will come back to this point after I finish the story. What God has taught me on this will change your life).
I didn’t know what judgment the gentleman in the vision had formed but I had a pretty good idea why, and I didn’t blame him.
He was someone who had eagerly heard and received my counsel and my stories (including how God had raised up a dead person through me). He was someone who had blessed me tremendously in response. He was also someone who had a beloved employee who was dying and had asked me to pray for him. He was someone who, several days earlier, had the faith to have me accompany him to the hospital to ask God to give life to the man’s dead body. He was someone who had a beloved employee not get up.
I knew why he judged me, and I didn’t blame him.
My visa was up and before there was any reconciliation, I had to leave the country (see Did God tell me to LIE? for that story). It hurt to lose a friend, and it hurt to not have the man get back up, but in this case God had simply showed me what was happening, He didn’t give me the solution.
Or did He?
Maybe there was more to what God showed me than I realized.
We all have experienced judgments. You ladies especially have a sensitivity to judgments but men can feel it as well, at least when we are paying attention.
Have you ever walked into a room and everyone smiles, says hi, and is very welcoming but you immediately feel pushed away? Crazy right? This is a spiritual reality that is so powerful that it not only effects your spirit and soul but if you are paying attention, your body can actually feel the push.
For many months prior to this event in my life, God had been showing me the necessity of confessing and repenting of the judgments I had towards people, even people I never (or no longer) had unforgiveness or bitterness towards. Any negative judgments about people, places, governments, business, etc. that I had not specifically received from God, for myself, in a vision or dream, had to go. Especially the ones I had been taught by my parents and teachers at a young age. I didn’t really understand why, but as I obeyed I found that I “suddenly” had a great ability to receive immediate and clear answers when I prayed and my dreams became easier to understand. It was AWESOME!
God had given me a MASSIVE key to being able to play in the Kingdom of Heaven.
In the months since this experience He has refined it and added to it so much that it will take many blogs to expound on; however, I will try to give some concise ways to apply it to your own life today to begin healing your relationships.
Imagine yourself standing in front of a person who has stolen from you. You have forgiven them for their theft (the first step) but in your heart you know they are a thief.
Ok, got that part?
Now picture a large wooden pole coming from you and pushing on them. Alright, now take a step towards them. What HAS TO happen?
They HAVE TO take a step back, not because of THEIR sin but because of YOUR judgment.
What most often happens when we take a step towards someone who has sinned against us? They retreat, and we form another judgement, “they just don’t want to deal with their issues…” and the pole and distance grows. Eventually we get over our indignation and try taking a step towards them again, and again what happens? They HAVE TO take a step backwards, of course we don’t realize it is our judgment and so…we form another judgment, “well they just don’t love me.”
This is how the people we love most become the furthest away.
I will pick up this topic in another blog, but if you are at all like I was, you probably have some confessing and repenting to do, so let me leave you with one last story.
I was back from Africa and a friend asked me to come spend some time with him and his family. The second day I was there everyone had left the house but me and I was just goofily dancing, singing, and worshiping in their living room when out of nowhere God tells me “you need to let go of your judgments towards (his wifes name), and you need to repent of accepting the judgments of others against her, as your own.” I did and I could feel something change in the spirit.
Five days later as I was getting ready to leave, his wife came and with tears in her eyes asked me to pray for her saying, “God has been telling me all week that I needed to ask you for prayer, but I didn’t think you would want to.”
What!? Why wouldn’t I want to? I pray for everybody. Oh, she was going off of what her heart had experienced from years of being pushed away by my judgments.
I sat next to her and prayed, and the words that came out of my mouth were that God said she has a gentle spirit and a compassionate, loving heart. She jerked her head up and looked at me through tears and said, “Devin, no one would ever say that about me.” I said, “(Name) you have become who you are because of what others have said about you, but that isn’t what God says.”
Welcome to Kingdom Play.